“i think that older men or men in their 30′s forget that there are single women that have no baggage, that aren’t bitter, that have goals they want to attain, and still enjoy life and want no attachments. why go for someone younger that will be so co-dependent on you for everything when you can be with someone who is stable and independent. it just makes more sense. i wouldn’t want to be with someone younger just for that reason. I want common backgrounds, at least someone growing up from the same decade.”
And I responded:
“I think that when we’re looking for a wife, we men actually want someone who is dependent on us for everything, actuall, whereas when we’re looking for business partners and best friends, we look for someone “who is stable and independent.”
Don’t forget, that in the marriage ceremony, we are given you by your father. By the very nature of the ceremony of marriage, don’t we hope to get a woman who depends on us for everything?
Men want to be men, I think, and have the ability in a life where there are so few opportunities to be “the man,” I think men are looking to really have the opportunity to be the provider, to be the strong hunter, the cornerstone for the family.
Someone who is looked up to and admired as formidable and powerful by his little family.
I don’t know if stable and independent is something men ever consider as a selling point in a bride. Women should stop selling that as it is never anything that men are looking for in women, not when dating or when considering marriage.
We are afraid: we are afraid that we are non-essential, we’re afraid of being fungible, of being a sperm donor, of being the “wife” in the relationship. We are scared shit that you will end up rolling your eyes, regretting the decision, becoming bitter, nagging us, being disappointed, and not doing your job: providing the support it takes to make us the best men we can humanly become.
And of course we expect quid pro quo — we don’t expect this to just be one-way. We just want to make sure there is reciprocity from the get-go.
Otherwise, we feel like we’ll always be a disappointment to you and this feeling will either result in divorce, either out of your disappointment or because we push you away because we don’t feel the kind of sexual, emotional, personal, mental, and spiritual devostion — the adoration — we really in our heart of hearts, demand.
See, so that’s what is going on in our heads.”
- “All the single ladies” Review of THAT article (thisismysoapbox.wordpress.com)
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- Understatement of the Week: Nicholas Christenfeld (upi.com)
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